The Defining Moment

My husband and I just came home from my sister’s house, which is about 2 hours away. We stayed there for 5 days; we actually planned to stay for just 3-4 days, but since we had a flexible sched anyway, we decided to extend our “visit”. It was like coming home to a second (third?) home, as I have lived with my sister and her family for more than a year before hubby and I got married. Every part of the house itself is familiar, though there have been a lot of changes since i was last there.

We now have a new angel in the family – my sister’s 3-month old baby! 😀 My husband and I can’t get enough of this precious one; we spend a lot of time looking at her, just admiring the way she sleeps. When our antics elicit a smile, I almost want to jump in triumph. Yeah, I know, mababaw…but that’s how much joy this little miracle brings to me and to our whole family. And – she seems to love looking at my husband – her eyes follow him around the room often. She even loves to lie down on his arms, and eventually fall asleep.

My older niece is now a young lady, who knows what she wants and is starting to get very vocal about her thoughts. There are times when she gets in trouble for this trait; I can only pray that she gets past this stage and still gets to grow up to become a strong-willed, yet kind-hearted lady. She has been my constant companion during the time when I stayed with their family, and I hope that our bond will not fade as the years pass.

I miss talking to my sister. This is an activity that I took for granted when I was living with them; I just had to go to their room/study/kitchen/dining area, and I would get to chat with her about anything and everything. I suddenly remember the time when she had to go away for the first time to start her job. That was about a decade ago, but I the memory is still fresh of how my heart broke with the thought that I would not share the same bed, the same room with her anymore. At this moment, I’m feeling sort of the same thing, triggered by an SMS from her. She said that she felt a little sad when I tidied up and got all my stuff from their place; instead of feeling this way during my wedding, she said that this moment was the “defining moment” for her – that her little sister now had a family of her own. She then said that it made her a little sad, yet she was very happy for me. Sentimental crybaby that I am, this message was enough to start a crying fit. 😛

I made a vow to myself to visit my sister and her family as often as possible. In reality, I know that might not be as frequent as we all want it to be; I know I have to slowly accept that things have changed, and there are still adjustments to be made. I believe my sister knows that whatever happens, I will always be her little sister – the one who ran to her when something is wrong, the one who turns to her whenever it feels like the world is turning against her. And all throughout these crying fits, her little sister has and will always be at peace with the knowledge that her Ate will not judge her, whatever the issue is about.

Hey, maybe this is my defining moment too…

I Miss My Niece…

I realized this after reading my sister’s blog. I stayed with their family for more than one year, and got to bond with my precocious niece during that time.When her parents were in the office, I was with our 5-year old bundle of energy, trying to answer her numerous questions to the best of my ability. Admittedly, when there are times that her questions were about delicate matters, I revert to my safest answer, “Ask your Mama/Papa later”.

When her nanny was busy doing household chores, she would go to wherever I was, and say, “Tita, can you stay with me for a while?” It breaks my heart now when I remember the times I answered, “Later” to her requests, because I was busy working from home. 😦

When she got sick, I made sure that I gave her extra attention – asking her what she would like to eat, feeding her in the room while she was on bed, bringing her whatever she wanted to drink, checking her temperature from time to time, updating my sister and brother-in-law about how their little girl was.

I won’t forget how excited she was when I told her last year that I would get married in a few months, and that she would be a flower girl. She started planning what she would do for the reception (she wanted to sing, and lead the prayer). She even asked if she can wear a pink dress instead of a lilac one, because she liked pink better than my color motif.

However, as the wedding day got closer, she started saying that she wasn’t that excited about our wedding anymore. When I asked her why, she answered, “Because when you’re already married, you won’t be able to visit me anymore. And you won’t stay here with us anymore.” 😦 I tried to cheer her up by saying that of course I’ll still visit her whenever I can. But I guess we both knew, deep in our hearts, that things would be changing big time soon.

I’m now married. I’ve moved in with my husband, and haven’t been to my sister’s house in a few months. The last time I saw my niece was on my wedding day, and I haven’t been able to give her the attention I wanted because I was too busy with the preparations.

I miss my niece. I miss how she knows how to be quiet and not wake me up early in the morning because I work until the wee hours of the morning. I miss the way she tells me (after a little persuasion) how her day went at school. I miss how she talks about her friends, and what they played with. I miss how she loves the way I feed her (even if she can do this by herself, I know this is her way of making “lambing” 🙂 ), talking almost non-stop in the hopes of distracting her from eating oh-so-slowly. I miss the way she tries to delay her nap time with requests for snacks (Tita, I’m hungry!). I miss the way she bargains for more than one book to be read to her before she sleeps. I miss the way she says that she isn’t sleepy so she doesn’t need a nap; afterwards, we’d have a hard time waking her up after a three or four hour-nap! I miss seeing the happiness in her eyes when she hears the doorbell in the evening, knowing that her Mama and Papa are home at last. I miss the way she always wants to take a walk with me and her nanny after dinner, just because she wants to go out of the house. I miss the way she asks for chips before going to bed, because she knows I am fond of eating them as well. I miss the way she asks if she can sleep with me in the study (where I sleep), because “I miss you”. I miss the way she cuddles close to me in bed (even if she sometimes kicks me when she’s dreaming 😀 ).

I told her, during one of those times when she repeats that she’s going to miss me when I’m not living with them anymore, that “Whatever happens, even if I already have my own baby, you are the first BABY that I loved and cared for, and that will never change”. She just responded with a smile full of trust, at peace with the fact that what I told her is true.

I miss my niece…